I'm Not That Girl
by Black Mary Janes
Summary: [Songfic for I'm Not That Girl from Wicked] Now that Troypay is a reality, Gabriella can't manage to get back on track.


_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl.  
_

Gabriella stood perfectly still, hoping, like a rabbit caught in a meadow with a wolf approaching, that they wouldn't see her. She needn't worry as much as the rabbit. The pair of teenagers she was avoiding was so deeply wrapped up in each other that they breezed past without noticing the dark girl to their left. Only when they had rounded a corner did she let out her breath and proceed to pull books from her locker.

Her best friend, Taylor McKessie now was walking down the hall. She had seen the pair, and had ignored them as completely as they had ignored her.

"So Gabriella, ready for the chem test?" She asked, faking a smile for the sake of her friend. Gabriella just nodded, all thoughts of chemic formulas out of her head. She closed her locker, and followed Taylor to the science lab, unsure of where she was going. Though she was no longer the new girl, Gabriella could no longer get to her classes alone. She would end up wandering the halls aimlessly, lost in her thoughts. She sat down at her desk and wrote out a few answers to questions she hardly read. This had been her strategy since that fateful afternoon when Troy had broken her heart fully and completely. It was no wonder her grades were dismal.

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl_

She drifted through her classes, always following a familiar face, afraid to do anything alone. Although her friends didn't mind, they were worried. While they were alone, they whispered to each other, wondering how to help their mourning friend.

It was one of these conversations, Chad, Ryan, Jason Zeke, Jason, Kelsi and Martha gathered around one of the East High lunch tables, that Taylor walked in on.

"She's going home again." She announced. There was a groan around the table. When Gabriella was in school, she performed horribly, but she often managed to leave school, where they knew she just sulked and slept.

"What are we going to do about this?" Chad asked. With Troy's absence, he had become the unofficial leader of the group. "Troy's not talking to us, Gabriella is becoming a total statistic, and Ryan still hasn't spoken to Sharpay."

"I'm trying." Ryan said. His sister hadn't spoken to him since he had told her what a bad idea it was, her dating Troy. "But she's locking her door now. I couldn't get in if I wanted to. She only comes out for dinner, and even then, she doesn't say a word to me."

"This is getting ridiculous." Chad said. He too was missing the loss of a friend. Troy wasn't speaking to anyone.

"He says he loves her." Kelsi chimed in. "He told me during rehearsal the other day that he was sick of us butting in. He says that no one can change his mind, so we shouldn't try."

The teenagers all sighed. They were all losing hope of getting their friends back.

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in_

Days turned into weeks, and still, the situation had not changed. There seemed to be a two-party system in place within the walls of East High: Those in support of Troy and Sharpay, and those in support of Chad, Ryan, Taylor, and especially Gabriella. The school was split, though they didn't show it. And excitement was in the air as the event approached that had started the whole fiasco: The East High School Winter Musical.

It seemed the whole school had turned out for the event. Ryan was backstage, carefully avoiding his sister and Troy. He and Kelsi were taking turns peeking out, hoping to see a familiar face in the crowd. In the second row was Chad, Taylor, and all of their friends. But next to Taylor was an empty seat. Their eyes immediately went to that seat, and their faces fell when they saw it was empty.

It wasn't until Ryan made his last check did he see that seat had been filled., Gabriella was there, talking to Taylor. She looked nervous, almost frightened to be sitting in the plush red seat, and Taylor was soothing her. Ryan smiled, glad that she had come to support him, but also upset for his friend. He knew that it was going to cause her pain, watching this performance.

"She should be here on stage, sharing her gift with the world." Kelsi said, crouching her small body down and looking under Ryan's arm. "Not out there."

"I know." He said, as Darbus yelled for Act One places. The two exchanged a small, sad smile and went to their places.

_Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl._

Gabriella watched the play, and with every scene, every number, every smallest glance from the blonde and brunette on stage, a stab of pain chipped at her heart. She was here for Ryan and Kelsi and the rest of the cast, but she was for someone else as well. She was here for herself. She was smart. She knew the only way to get over the fact was to accept it. So with every stab of pain, she reminded herself _This is reality. _She watched them perform, knowing that it was real. They were in love, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

They had reached the kiss. She knew it was coming. They had just sung the romantic number, and it was the last scene before the big closing number. There had to be kiss. And there was. A passionate kiss that the audience could feel. Taylor had tissues ready in her hand, but Gabriella didn't need them. She was done crying. Troy and Sharpay were in love and happy, and she was happy for them. She was no longer tied to either of them, and would no longer let her heart think she was.

As the curtain began to roll in, Troy stooped down and picked up a rose, as deep red as the curtain itself. Handing it to the blonde in front him, who smiled to beautiful, he kissed her softly on the cheek, a mirror of his actions towards Gabriella a little more than a year ago. And yet, the dark haired girl clapping did not feel any pain. She simply clapped and cheered along with her classmates.

She waited behind as the actors came into the audience to greet family and friends. She saw Ryan and congratulated him. She hugged Kelsi, exclaiming how, yet again, the girl had composed a moving piece. Then she saw her real targets, and stood, taking her big black purse with her. Her friends fell silent as they watched her approach Troy and Sharpay at the far end of the auditorium.

"Great job." She said, pulling two small bouquets out of her bag. "You guys did a wonderful job."

The both stared at her, unsure of what to say. She smiled brightly, though there was hint of sadness about it still.

"Thank you Gabriella." Sharpay finally said, smiling hesitantly.

"You're welcome." She said. She glanced over at her friends, and coughed slightly. "Excuse me, I should get back to my friends." She walked back, leaving the couple in a stunned silence.

The group of teenagers watched her return to them, and decided not to mention the incident. She made no mention of it as she returned, only exclaiming that she thought celebratory ice cream was in order. The rest agreed and headed out, forgetting the incident.

That night, Gabriella packed a box of everything that reminded her of Troy, and shoved it into the back of her closet. She grabbed a box of tissues and climbed into bed, drying the final tears she would ever cry for Troy Bolton.

_Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl._


End file.
